


Legacy

by Sylvantess



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: F/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:48:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21819136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylvantess/pseuds/Sylvantess
Summary: Personal scribbling, testing purposes.





	1. Prisoners

I woke up hungry and thirsty, just like every time in the previous week or so. The difference this time was that I woke up on my own instead of being shoved awake by a Thalmor boot. I didn't know whether to be relieved or to worry even more. Perhaps they had decided to leave me to starve to death, since I hadn't been able to provide information they sought.

They kept demanding info on Talos worshipers as if I was his priestess - which I'm definitely not, even though these damn elves insisted on exactly that when they saw me receive his blessing. I may know a bit of healing magic and I can conjure up enough fire to defend myself from a pack of wolves, but I'm nowhere near any Divine-infused power, let alone being a proper mage. In fact, I prefer handling one-handed weapons and a bow, ideally in stealth. However, being found praying at the roadside shrine didn't really help matters. I wasn't able to convince them that I had caught ataxia while hunting in the woods and was simply asking for a blessing to relieve my illness. I was indeed cured, but then afflicted by this possibly more serious problem. I respect Talos' existence because his blessings work like all the others', though I've never particularly singled him out from other Divines in my prayers. Apparently, this was a serious felony in Thalmor eyes.

I told to myself, if I manage to get out of this cell alive, I'll give some serious thought to joining the Stormcloaks. I've always loathed anything related to politics, but being assfucked by invaders like this was way over the line, White Gold Concordat be damned. The whole Empire should have stood up to them immediately instead of delaying the inevitable.

When I was done sulking, I stretched my limbs stiffened from sleeping on the stone floor, barely covered with some hay and rags. I was still sore from being kicked around like a rag doll the day before and my ivory skin was decorated with scrapes and nasty bruises. I was also caked in dirt and smelled horribly, at least to myself. Fortunately, the Thalmor still didn't intend to mutilate me with blades, they didn't break any bone and no one came up with a more foul idea. Yet. One could see that I'm a Nord from miles away: I have strong, curvy build, my hair is very light blonde, waist-long and wavy, and my eyes are winter blue. I pass as considerably attractive all around, although Thalmor observed me with unabashed disgust. They obviously care only for their own kind, which was extremely good in this particular situation. I seriously dreaded the thought of being violated.

I stilled and tried to listen for telltale noises. There was the usual hum of the nearby river, resounding through this half-eroded ancient prison, but not much else. I didn't hear anyone speak or walk. After listening in stillness for so long that my limbs started to ache again, I surmised that I was indeed abandoned here. The only reason why I didn't try escaping earlier was because my captors were constantly patrolling around. The grated door of my cell was visibly damaged by age and dampness, and it had a simple lock instead of a chain and padlock. I estimated that a few well-placed kicks should tear it open.

Just when I was preparing to land the first blow, I heard and felt a loud rumble similar to thunder. My whole body seized in panic for a moment. I realized that the prison was caving in, which explained the absence of Thalmor. The bastards had left me here to be buried under rubble...or drowned. The resounding of rushing water had intensified. Waiting no further, I kicked the door with all my might. The rusty metal screamed in protest, still holding on to the lock. I saw a small stream of water running down the stairs towards my cell. I retracted a bit further away and rushed at the door again, this time slamming it with the side of my body. The door broke open with a clang and I fell onto the wet stairs, aching all over from yesterday's beatings. I scrambled up to the next level of the dungeon. There were barred cells packed together, holding only a few ancient skeletons, and a passage going through the middle and up the stairs to the upper level. Water was now slowly but steadily running down those stairs. My feet were slapping across the rising puddles as I was searching for means to protect myself. Damnable elves had confiscated my leather armor and left me in basic rags. I couldn't believe my eyes when I found the prison key on the nearby table, recognizing it instantly, along with some forgotten steel sword. The Thalmor were only using moonstone-crafted weapons, so this poor old thing must've been here for centuries - but it was of Nord make and still decently sharp.

A loud crash suddenly came from upstairs and I barely managed to sidestep a pile of rocks that tumbled down. The passage up was now sealed and the water was sprouting through the cracks. I looked around in dismay. I noticed a tall hole in the wall in one of the cells, probably leading to another part of the dungeon. The key I obtained came in handy because the cell in question was locked.

Before I proceeded towards the hole, I noticed a body chained to the side wall. It wasn't a skeleton, but a fresh prisoner - only this guy had received far harsher treatment than I have. He was kneeling on a pile of rocks, wrists manacled to the wall, wearing only tattered trousers. He was facing the wall so I could see that his back was horribly wounded from obvious whipping, the gashes barely dried, the ends of his ebony black hair stuck in the wounds at his upper back. My soul clenched at the sight; he was just another unfortunate person snatched by the vicious Thalmor. I approached to see whether he's still alive. As I stepped to his side, his head rose and he turned his face entangled in hair towards me. He didn't say anything, so I took the initiative, being in a hurry and all.

"Can you stand? I'll set you free, we have to get out of here", I said and started unlocking his manacles without waiting for a response.

As soon as his arms were free, he collapsed like a sack of potatoes on the ground, grunting in pain. I was exhausted, but I gathered all the energy I could muster into a healing spell and directed it to his back. Relief washed over me as I observed the gashes on his back closing and inflammation receding. He visibly shuddered in relief. Feeling a bit dizzy from the effort, I came to his front to help him stand up. Instead of accepting my hand, he rose his palm in a stopping motion and managed to get up by himself rather steadily, considering his condition. I thought time had stopped when he straightened to his full height, removed the hair from his face and looked at me.

He was nearly a head taller than me and had a warrior's build. Not Nord bulky, but rather in a way that spoke of great agility, aside from obvious strength. His skin had a natural tan, not as dark as Redguard type but close. His hair fell across his wide shoulders in a tangled mess, but he quickly managed to gather the front ends and tie them up in the back. His face was...chiseled, in the lack of any better description. Steep black brows loomed over inexplicable deep red eyes that sparkled like wine...or blood...in the light of the nearby wall sconce. He couldn't possibly be a vampire for several reasons: his wounds would've healed soon after being inflicted, his complexion was far from undead grayish, his pupils didn't glow, and, well, he didn't immediately attack me to suck me dry. He had a matching red tattoo in sharp, angular shapes on the right side of his face, sidelining the brow and the cheek. Because of its color, at first glance I thought it was a bleeding cut, but cuts are rarely so intricate and shapely. Overall, he looked both handsome and frightening.

"Um...", I blurted out.

"Thank you for the help. We should get going", he said sternly.

His voice was deep and husky, and yet surprisingly soft. He had a distinctive accent, though I wasn't able to place its origin. I managed to nod.

"The Thalmor had taken my equipment, I have to find it. They went this way--"

"Hold it", my stupor dissolved at this outrageous statement. "We have to get out of here _now, _the prison is caving in and filling with water, we don't have time to--"

"I'm not leaving without my stuff", he said with such intensity that I quickly realized how his voice can be utterly devoid of any softness. "This way", he turned to the hole in the wall without waiting for my approval.

All the luster I've seen before was now replaced with annoyance. Well, nearly all. Damn, he looked formidable, and moved fluidly like a cougar, despite being previously chained to the wall and whipped for who knows how long. Thinking of which - how did I not hear him before? He was fairly close to my cell, and all I've heard were Thalmor upstairs... Unless he didn't make a sound while they were torturing him. My eyes widened at the realization as I observed the great wall of his back in front of me, and all the lashes it had endured.

We passed into another cell, and this one was open on the other side. The mysterious, stubborn warrior went to a big nearby chest leaned at the opposite wall and opened it. He started taking out stuff, which I soon realized was armor, and immediately began strapping it on. It was apparently a custom set of engraved steel armor, with thin fur lining, gauntlets and boots adorned with spikes. There was even a black thigh-long cape with ornamental silvery hem. He put everything on in swift, trained motions, and when he was done he seemed even bigger and more formidable than before.

"My weapons are probably upstairs", he pointed at the flight of stairs leading to the upper level. I nodded readily, only because it looked like the only way out.

Voices broke through from upstairs.

"...You moron, how could you forget the sword?!? Hurry up before this shithole buries us along with those wretches downstairs..."

...The "wretches" being the warrior and myself. Rage flared inside of me, which was good because whenever I got angry I accumulated more mana, and I needed it now. The warrior looked at me with an intuitive smirk; yeah, these bastards aren't getting back out alive, if at all. I wordlessly handed him my sword since he was bare-handed and he nodded in approval.

We climbed the stairs silently, while two Thalmor soldiers were rummaging through the rubble scattered around the room. Silence wasn't really an issue anyway, because the whole place was rumbling loudly, threatening to collapse at any moment. They were digging up a wide chest, with their backs to us. One of them managed to open the lid and sighed in relief.

"Found it."

And those were his last words, because the warrior got to him with preposterous speed for a tortured man clad in full heavy armor, and chopped his head off. The other one turned and unsheathed his weapon, but didn't manage to use it because I reacted momentarily and shot a blast of fire straight to his face. He screamed as his head was caught aflame and swung his sword blindly. The warrior easily deflected the blow and ran him through, ending his burning agony. He then looked at me with that same smirk as before.

"Great reflexes", he said simply, and then turned to remove butchered Thalmor bodies from their prize.

Before I could reciprocate the praise for his incredible skill, what he pulled out from the chest had _cut off_ whatever I intended to say. Or think. It was the biggest katana I've seen in my life. It was sheathed in a dark scabbard, and the warrior pulled it out in such a smooth movement it almost seemed surreal. The blade sang a metallic swish as it broke free, and I saw that its surface above the edge was engraved in intricate, unfamiliar symbols. From the pommel to the tip, I estimated that its length matched my height. Obviously satisfied that it wasn't damaged, the warrior sheathed the blade back and strapped it onto his chest armor, tucking the scabbard beneath his cape. He then pulled out a big ebony bow and a quiver full of arrows, which immediately triggered my survival instinct.

"May I have those?", I rushed to ask before he holstered those on his back as well.

His thick, sharp brow rose. "You're an archer?"

"Actually, yes. I'm not really a mage, I'm afraid you witnessed the entire spectrum of my magic skills. I use it only in emergency, and it really exhausts me. I think I'll be out of mana for a while. Please, I need to defend myself in case--"

"Say no more", he interrupted me and handed the bow and quiver over.

The bow wasn't engraved in the same manner as the katana, but it was still of very fine make. In fact, I've never held a better one before. I holstered it on my back along with the quiver, and nodded a thanks. The warrior turned in the direction where the Thalmor previously came from, which was another flight of stairs that probably led outside.

Another rumble shook the prison. A pile of rocks carried by a wave of muddy water gushed through the passage, nearly burying us. I stumbled while trying to evade rolling rocks and nearly fell, but the warrior grabbed my arm and held me upright.

"We're not getting through there", he voiced my thoughts, observing the eroded passage.

I was trying to think of a possible way out, remembering everything I knew and saw in ancient ruins I've explored. This was a prison... It probably had some sort of a sewage system.

"Let's go back down, there has to be a sewer outlet."

We backtracked our steps to the first level with cells. The water should have been up to my waist judging by the amount of flooding, but it was still only reaching my ankles. There _had _to be an outlet somewhere on the floor. Following the direction of the flow, I soon found a rusty grate in the floor where the water was going through, and its square opening was large enough for both of us to pass. The warrior started ramming the grate with his foot, and I grabbed one of the torches from the wall. It didn't take long before the grate gave and snapped in half, caving in. The warrior jumped in first and then helped me get down while I was holding the torch to light our way through the tunnel. I was completely soaked and chilled, but I had to put my mind off of that and find a way out. The water was up to my knees and I followed the direction of its flow, the warrior close at my back.

Another rumble from somewhere above shook everything and parts of the tunnel's ceiling came off, barely missing us. The flow of the water slightly intensified as well. The next turn led to a wall - I thought it was a dead end until I illuminated it entirely. In the lower part of the wall there was a gaping hole where water was disappearing into. In the upper part, there was a very old and rusty ladder leading to a solid metal hatch in the ceiling. The lower part of the ladder had fallen off who knows how long ago, and the lowest bar was well above my head.

The warrior grabbed my hips without any warning and swung me up, and I instinctively grabbed the ladder. It seemed solid enough and I climbed up to the hatch, but when I tried to push it open, it wouldn't budge.

"It's stuck", I shouted to the warrior below me, trying to overcome the noise of rushing water that was seemingly everywhere. "Come on, if anyone can break this open, it's you."

He grabbed the ladder beneath my feet and I immediately moved aside, holding onto the rim of the ladder in order to give him space. Its construction creaked ominously as he deftly advanced upwards. I fervently prayed to all Divines to keep that ladder together. If it collapses, we're as good as dead. The warrior managed to reach the lid and slammed into it with his palm. It creaked in protest, but still didn't give. I was able to see the edges of light around its rim, so I knew that it had at least moved. He then retracted his fist further away and punched the hatch so hard it blew open with a deafening bang. The ladder creaked again and moved askew, but the warrior ignored it and grabbed me, pushing me through the opening. I managed to climb out and then helped him up. Just when he pushed his shoulders through, I saw the ladder detaching from the wall and crashing into the water below. Afraid that he might sink back down, I embraced the warrior's upper body with both hands and used all my remaining strength to help him get out. I completely ignored the scrapes his armor inflicted upon my skin.

When he was finally completely on ground level, I collapsed on my back and tried to catch my breath. I saw a stone ceiling above and a river rushing beside me. I instantly realized that we were beneath the bridge that leads to the prison. I pressed a finger to my lips and turned to the warrior who was sitting on his haunches and trying to get his bearings as well.

"Other soldiers might be nearby", I said quietly.

We were silent and immovable for some time, and then I managed to hear a group of footsteps. Dread washed over me... And then I heard the voices that belonged to those who walked across the bridge.

"Hroki, are you sure you saw Thalmor around here?", a man said.

"I'm sure, I was patrolling yesterday and saw a group of them crossing this bridge!"

"What were you doing this far from the city anyway?", the third voice, a female one.

"Remember the thief we chased from Riverwood all the way to Valtheim Towers?"

"...And then spectacularly fled with our tails between our legs?", the woman again.

"We couldn't have overpowered all those bandits on our own and you know it, Brenna", the first guy.

"Anyway", Hroki interjected. "I heard from some wayfarers that they were ambushed by this thief somewhere in this area, and when I came to investigate, I spotted Thalmor."

"And you came to investigate all alone? _Without us?", _she sounded genuinely offended.

"I had to sneak! You know that Thor is as stealthy as a cave bear."

I couldn't suppress the snicker for the life of me. They immediately fell silent, no doubt hearing me. The warrior looked at me with alarm.

"Don't worry, I know these guys", I told him as I got up on my feet. I felt like a wreck and my eyes hurt from not seeing daylight for far too long. It was a clear, mild afternoon, but I still shook a little from the chill, being soaked and all. I climbed up the river bank and motioned for the warrior to follow me.

As soon as the trio spotted me, their jaws nearly dropped.

"Ildiko!", Hroki exclaimed, rushing to meet me. He was unusually short for a Nord, but definitely compensated in spirit. And agility, I suppose.

Thor immediately shrugged off his pelt cape and tossed it over my shoulders. My body was grateful for warmth. "Thanks, friend."

"Ildiko, what happened?", Brenna took my hand in both of hers. "I thought you went to Eastmarch to hunt..."

"I did. But I was captured by Thalmor before I could reach it."

Her eyes widened. "You mean this dolt was right?!?", she thumbed at Hroki.

"Told you!", he victoriously pointed a finger at her, totally unfazed.

"Why would the Thalmor capture you?", Thor asked.

"They thought I was a Talos' priestess."

Brenna's face scrunched up. "Damn. That's a new level of moronic. But how did you..."

Thor frowned as he looked beyond me. I turned around to see the warrior standing at my side, like a bodyguard. I smiled.

"Who is this?", Hroki asked suspiciously.

"He was a prisoner as well. We kinda saved each other's lives and managed to escape the internal collapse and flooding... The Thalmor had kept us there", I turned to the ruin encased in the face of a stony hill. I wished it could collapse entirely.

And then it actually did. The front of the ruin started falling apart and water sprouted through new orifices. The entire hillside had dilapidated before our eyes and crumbled down the big waterfall beneath, finally engulfed by the river.

"Ysmir's tits", Hroki breathed out in shock.

"I hope the Thalmor were still in there", Thor gritted out.

"Actually, they fled first when they realized the prison is falling apart. But my friend here managed to kill two of them before we got out."

Thor approached the warrior. They were nearly the same height, but Thor was on the bulkier side. He nodded. "You have our thanks for saving our friend, er..."

"Oh yeah", it dawned to me. "We were too busy running for our lives to introduce each other. I'm Ildiko", I extended my hand to him.

To my surprise, he removed his gauntlet and accepted my hand. His palm was big, rough and inexplicably warm, considering we were soaked and outdoors. "My name is Kaidan. Glad to have met you, Ildiko." His red eyes were even more incredible in daylight, now resembling flawless rubies. I had to yell at myself inwardly to prevent falling into enchanted stupor again.

"Likewise", I smiled, and then turned to my favorite group of law enforcers, pointing at each. "Brenna, Thor and Hroki. They are city guards in Whiterun. We're not far... Guys, please tell me you came on horses. I highly doubt that I can walk home after this ordeal."

"We did, they're nearby in the grove", Hroki brightened. "You two can ride Thor's horse, it's the biggest one."

"Oh yeah?", Thor rose a brow. "And what about me?"

"You can ride with Brenna. You know Peaches throws off anyone but me..."

While they were bickering, I felt a soft squeeze on my upper arm. I turned to see Kaidan watching me intensely.

"You want me to come with you?", he asked quietly.

I searched his face, trying to discern whether he was uncomfortable with this outcome. But I didn't really know him, and I came up with nothing. I decided to be honest - as always.

"Yes. Your wounds still need tending to, and you must be exhausted. Whiterun is my home, you'll be safe there. Besides, I sincerely appreciate how you...cared while we were escaping."

"I'm supposed to be the one saying that", his expression softened. "I can't imagine anyone would have done what you did for me, in the position you were in. You could have--"

I rose a finger in front of his face, cutting him off. "No, I could have _not._ I was able to help and I did."

His expression was put off, so much I nearly grinned. Then he frowned. "I'm sorry for insisting to get my gear. You see, my sword was actually the reason why the Thalmor captured me."

I thought for a bit; it made sense. "Yeah, well, when I saw it I realized why you didn't want to leave it behind. Don't feel guilty about it. We'll talk about everything later, okay?", I amiably patted his shoulder.

He squinted, smiling faintly. "Very well."


	2. Bloody return

I woke up to a dull, lingering pain in my lower belly. I was confused at first, seeing the familiar shapes of my room and sensing its comforting smell. The memory of the past events rushed through my head and it took a while before I managed to discern if all of that was real or just some crazy nightmare. But it was real. I saw bruises on my arms and I ached all over, though the stomachache was the most prominent. While I was imprisoned, I lost track of time, so it might be... And there it was when I took off the cover - my monthly bleeding, a wet dark spot beneath my bottom. It hurt more than usual probably because I caught a cold in that dank dungeon. The beatings I endured didn't help matters either.

I got up and went to the closet to take out fresh linen and replace it on the bed. I tried to remember whether I had herbs in the stash downstairs to make a pain-relieving elixir. Fortunately, I found absorbent napkins in the drawer, so I didn't have to "improvise" with some other cloth and then go to Saffir for a new batch. But I had to wash up again. Judging by the light that came through the thick glass of my bedroom's small window, it was morning; we arrived in Whiterun at dusk yesterday, and I couldn't have been grateful enough for the comfort and safety of my home after the horrendous, life-threatening ordeal.

_We._ I wasn't alone. I brought that big, red-eyed stranger home. I never brought a stranger to my home before. Sure, the situation was rather unique and we _did _save each other's lives, but still, I didn't know anything about him. I gave him the small guest room, which is right across mine on the upper floor. 

As if following my thoughts, I heard the sound of footsteps downstairs and familiar clinking of kitchen utensils. Well, since he's here, he could make himself useful; my natural spontaneity took over.

I exited the room and looked downstairs, over the rail. The smell of freshly made food went straight into my upper stomach, inducing ravenous hunger. Kaidan was collecting seared salmon steaks from the grill over the hearth and placing them on a big plate. I saw the table was set and a weird, warm sensation tingled through my body. He was making himself useful indeed. He was wearing an unfamiliar dark green tunic, grey pants and fur-lined home shoes. His hair was now combed and glossy, upper tresses collected into a small shaggy bun at the back of his head. A few loose locks hung at the sides of his face. How did he manage to look so...

He looked up and held my gaze for a spell. "Good morning, Ildiko", he said in a relaxed manner, although I could sense a guarded tone there. "I took liberty to make breakfast. Are you--", he stopped mid-sentence, slightly frowning while looking me over. I squirmed, feeling _very _uncomfortable.

"Uh... Kaidan, could you please warm a cauldron of water for me, I need to... Um." I tried to distance my lower body from view, knowing that a bloody smear was visible on my thin, beige linen pants. I was soaking them rapidly, especially now while standing.

"Right away", he said without hesitation, picked up the huge iron cauldron by its handle and went outside. He didn't show any sign of being dumbfounded before a woman's monthly ordeal like men normally are. He was just pure action, and obviously understanding.

I blinked in wonder. I usually had to go four times to the well in order to fill that cauldron, and one filled bucket alone was damn heavy. Having a big, strong warrior around seemed to be quite handy. Yesterday I was so exhausted I hadn't even noticed how quickly he managed to prepare water for bathing for the both of us. I used the trough in my room, and he used the one downstairs which I normally use for doing laundry. He also emptied them both afterwards.

He was back fairly quickly. He had to lower the filled cauldron on the ground before opening and after closing the door. I felt warm approval filling me while he was setting up the cauldron above the fire.

"I'm sorry for... I mean, I normally know when I'm about to do my girly thing and I'm always prepared, but..."

"Don't apologize", he said softly, adding more logs to the fire. "I understand. Being soaked and cold the day before didn't help matters, I imagine."

I smiled, crouching beneath the rail. I couldn't stand upright anymore, the stomach was acting up badly.

"Well, I'm glad I brought you with me, then", I chuckled. "Where did you find clothes?"

He sat into the nearby chair. "I woke up early and went out. Word spreads quickly in this town, so your fellow citizens were fairly forthcoming with me. I found Belethor's store and bought clothes there. Fortunately, the Thalmor didn't discover the coin pouch in my armor."

"I'm glad you managed", I smiled to his resourcefulness. "What about your wounds?", I instantly remembered his ruined back and my poor attempt at healing.

"I'm fine", he responded sternly.

I frowned. "You're not. The inflammation can relapse any time now. I'll take a look later. I have a stash of healing herbs in the pantry."

"You know alchemy?"

"Eh, a little. Our local alchemist Arcadia had given me a few lessons, though I'm nowhere near as good as she is. I know how to patch myself up with salves and fortify my health and stamina with potions. I had to hone survival skills in my, er, line of work."

"And what is your line of work, if I may ask?"

"You may. I hunt and bring goods to the Drunken Huntsman across the street, so Erlindir and I have a sort of business arrangement. He and his brother Anoriath own the place. I also help the city guard when there are nearby bandits that need to be taken care of. The jarl provides payment for those ventures."

He nodded simply. "All honorable work. I noticed that you are a respected individual here."

I shrugged. "No more than others who pull their weight and contribute to the city's prosperity. The Companions of Jorrvaskr, up on the Wind District, pester me from time to time to join them. I get their cause, honor and all that, but I prefer to work on my own terms. Commander Caius also wanted to enlist me in the guard, but like I said, I'm not inclined to join any kind of group. Besides, I dislike being bossed around."

"A free spirit", he smiled widely. "We have a kinship there."

"Oh? And what is it that you do? Where is your home?"

He sighed heavily. "I'm a mercenary. I'm currently stationed in Falkreath, although it's not really my home. After my foster father Brynjar died, I never really settled anywhere. I grew up in the farthest South, near the Pale Pass... That's where the Thalmor caught me, in fact. I wanted to go back and see whether I had left something behind in the old shack, but...it wasn't to be. I shouldn't have gone back anyway", his voice became more and more grim.

"I'm sorry", I commiserated. "I never knew my parents. I was raised in an orphanage here in Whiterun. Danica found me at the temple door when I was a wee babe."

Kaidan looked at me pointedly. "Did you try to find out anything about your parents?"

"I wanted to, but I never had a single clue. No one saw the person who brought me, and I didn't have anything on me that could identify me...except a sodden piece of parchment with only my name written on it. Eh, I'm over it anyway. People leave children like that when they're desperate, I must've been one mouth too many to feed. It doesn't matter. I have a home here and a stable life."

He didn't respond, obviously mulling over what I've said. I guessed that he never came to terms with his own fate.

He stood up and dipped a finger in the cauldron. "It's warm enough. I'll bring it to you."

He took the sides of the cauldron with two cloths and hauled it upstairs, just like last night. He had to stretch his arms before him so the cauldron wouldn't burn him and I really, really admired his strength. And how those muscles bulged under the strain... I rose to my feet and pain had interrupted my inner fawning.

After he poured the water into my trough, he looked me over again, frowning. I stood hunched like a grandma, the pain preventing me from straightening.

"You're in a great deal of pain. Can I help somehow?"

I shook off. "You've already helped enough. I'll make a soothing elixir after I'm done here. I really must commend your attitude in the face of...annoying female trappings."

He straightened. "Any man worth his salt should be at his disposal to a woman in such a situation."

I was honestly surprised. "That's unusual, coming from a man who was raised by a single male parent."

He smirked a smidgen. "I've spent enough time with women to know what is what."

I chuckled, failing to resist eyeing his exceptional physique. "I bet. Now shoo downstairs."

He nodded, grinning. "Call me if you need me."

There was a lot to ponder regarding Kaidan, but for now I just wanted to wash up and fix this temporary vulnerability. There was more that I wanted to learn about him, and that involved conversation and time. I wasn't in a hurry for anything, and apparently, neither was he. Or so it seemed.

I took off all of my clothes and then realized I was feeling a bit chilly. I instinctively felt along my neck and forehead and found them warmer than normal. I signed it off as mere exhaustion; I had to rest for this entire day to completely recuperate. I took out bathing amenities from the cabinet, knelt in the pleasantly hot water and started washing. There was some ringing in my ears while I balanced my posture, but I ignored it. However, soon I felt heaviness in my entire body and my field of vision started shrinking. _Oh, for fuck's sake._

"Kai--"...was all that I managed to pronounce before everything went black.

My consciousness returned with sickening intensity. My ears rang for a while and a strong smell of herbs turned my empty stomach. The lower part of it had now hurt much worse than before, but I felt that I was under the influence of some painkiller so it also felt detached. I looked around, my vision bleary at first. A familiar face was above me, its many wrinkles creased even more with worry.

"Lillith? What are you..."

"Shh, rest now dear", she cooed, pressing a soaked cloth on my forehead. She was sitting on the bed beside me. "No sudden movements."

"What happened?", I asked with more alarm.

Lillith Maiden-Loom and I had a certain history regarding...the only weak spot in my health. She owned the stables outside of Whiterun walls, but was also known as skilled in helping women with fertility problems. She usually cooperated with Danica and Arcadia on that matter, but now I managed to see only her in my bedroom...and Kaidan, standing beside my bed and tense like a taut bowstring.

The old woman sighed heavily. "You should have listened to me, child. I barely managed to save you this time."

I tried to infuse more intensity into my gaze. "Lillith, what happened? Tell me."

She looked at Kaidan, and then at me; I realized she was reluctant to talk in front of a stranger.

"It's fine, he's a friend."

"Even so, these things are not for a man's ears", her voice was gentle, but adamant.

Kaidan nodded. "I'll go outside."

He moved to leave, but then I grabbed his hand. "Stay." His presence made me feel safe, and I needed it now.

He gave me an indescribable look, though it certainly wasn't anything negative. He stepped back to where he stood and I let go of his hand.

"I said it's fine Lillith, now please."

She was obviously very uncomfortable, but complied.

"Your...uterus...was badly inflamed. Considering it was in a...delicate state before, whatever you endured in that prison had made your ailment far worse. I had to...remove everything, to prevent sepsis which would undoubtedly lead to death."

My brain was scrambled for a moment. "Wait, you...removed my ovaries? All of it?"

She nodded cryptically. "You wouldn't have been in such danger if you had listened to me, Ildiko", her voice adopted a motherly tone. "We should have done this sooner."

"And now I've lost everything that even remotely made me a woman", I heard myself saying. I wasn't really thinking, my bitterness acted for me.

"That is far from the truth", I heard Kaidan saying, as he crouched beside the bed and took my hand. "You are what you make of yourself. Being able to give birth is...merely a function, not all that a woman is."

Lillith petted his shoulder. Knowing her, that was the utmost expression of respect.

I felt my eyes filling with tears as I beheld him. He was really honest about what he said.

"I have always been barren", I explained. "Ever since I entered maidenhood, my monthly cycles had been...problematic. Lillith had discovered my...disability, and she's been taking care of me. She suggested that I remove all the parts that gave me grief, but...I felt like I'd lose myself if I do that. Did you perchance wonder why I live alone? At my age? I'm nearly thirty, way over any decent period for partnering for life. I'm well aware of my looks and abilities, not to mention that I own my own house. But as soon as any suitor finds out I can't bear offspring..." I shook off for emphasis. "And no one will even blink when they find out I've finally lost my femaleness. It doesn't change anything anyway", I blinked, spilling the tears across my temples. I looked at the good old woman. "Thank you Lillith...for everything. You were the only one who understood. I guess I won't have problems from now on, huh?", I tried to smile.

Her chin trembled a little, but she had far more time than any of us to train composure. "You won't have your monthly bleeding anymore, and no other problems or pain. I made sure to leave you perfectly healthy and clean inside. You should rest for several days, until everything properly heals." She looked at Kaidan. "Good lad, will you be here to care for her until she gets better?"

Without turning his gaze from me, he responded, "I'll be here as long as she wants me. I owe my life to her."

I frowned. "Kaidan, you owe me nothing. If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead too."

"When you freed me, you didn't know that. Accept me as someone who is grateful and respects you."

"Why?" I was sensitive, hurt and angry. In such a state I'd always take a defensive stance. "You don't even know me!"

"I know enough", his grip on my hand tightened. "And I'm willing to learn more, if you let me."

The weight of what he was saying had finally landed home. I was about to turn into a mushy pile of emotion, but instead I pasted a carefree smile. "Good thing you know how to cook, then, because you'll be doing all of it for the next few days."

"Light meals only, mind you", Lillith interjected. "Come on dear, I'll show you what she needs for proper care, let's leave her to rest." With that she took Kaidan by the arm and practically pulled him out of the room. He was utterly helpless under the influence of a small old lady, and it made me smile in earnest.

Noticing that he winced while he was dragged away, I immediately called out.

"Lillith! Please, could you take a look at Kaidan's wounds? His back was whipped bloody and my shabby healing magic definitely wasn't enough to heal him properly."

She turned and looked at him, wide-eyed. "My word! I'll take a look, of course."

Some time later I heard another familiar voice downstairs, belonging to Danica. Women were audibly aghast at the sight of Kaidan's wounds, and I could bet they poured all their knowledge and skills into taking care of them properly. Soon Danica climbed up to me. Without a word, she sat beside me and petted my hair. She used to do that whenever she'd come to the orphanage to check on children's health.

"Worry not about what you've lost, child. The gods have a way of compensating in the ways we least expect."

I chuckled bitterly. "I highly doubt that Kyne can make my womb grow back. Or make it fertile. If She could, She would have done so long ago."

She shook off. "Greater deeds and achievements await you. I can feel it."

I didn't want to burst her bubble and argue, since she's come to comfort me. I remembered her own predicament with Eldergleam; a bolt of lightning had fried it about a month ago, and she asked me to go to Gildergreen and extract the sap to revive it. I refused, feeling that defiling such an ancient and sacred being would be a travesty. Since many others had shared my opinion, Eldergleam had remained a dead, barren skeleton of its former glory, much to the dismay of pilgrims and Whiterun's citizens. I wanted Eldergleam restored just like everybody else, but not at the cost of desecrating its parent. Danica never brought up the subject again, nor did she find a willing soul to perform her task.

I thought about what she now said to me...and realized something.

"Danica...when you spoke of compensation from the gods... What do you think, what are the odds that Gildergreen would sprout a sapling to replace Eldergleam?"

Her face showed that bringing this up was the least she expected. "I... I suppose it's possible, if the elder tree is asked, but... A sapling? It would take years and years for it to grow into the glory of its predecessor."

"So what?" I shrugged. "Let it take time. At least we'd have a holy offspring. Besides, if I understood history correctly, Eldergleam's sapling wasn't given in this manner, but taken forcefully. Maybe Kyne was angry because of it?"

Danica's brown eyes widened like saucers at this realization, and she clasped the sides of her face with both hands. It took a few moments for her to regain enough composure to talk.

"Goddess forgive me... You might be right. I'll make the annunciation at the temple for all that come to receive Kynareth's blessing. Perhaps, when you recuperate...you could travel with the willing pilgrims to Kynesgrove and protect them. Your understanding of the situation is uncanny, Ildiko. Gods, how could I have been so blind...?"

"Alright, don't kick yourself about it. I know you've been feeling helpless and desperate since the lightning strike. I felt bad about it too, you know? And yeah, when I get better, I'd be glad to escort pilgrims to Kynesgrove. Besides, hot springs should do wonders for me."

"You're right", she brightened. "And they'd do wonders for your companion as well."

I was put off, to say lightly. "Wha-- Oh, you naughty priestess", I laughed, and then winced at the pain the laughter caused.

"Careful now", she chuckled. "I merely meant that his tortured body would appreciate the healing properties of those waters", she blinked innocently.

"Yeah, sure."

I looked at the finely engraved runes which seemed vaguely familiar, but I wasn't able to remember where exactly I've seen them. I had to be mindful at balancing the big, sharp nodachi in my hands so as to not cut myself or the covers. It was Kaidan's only clue about his origin, the only trace of his mother. Brynjar, the Nord who raised him, never got the chance to tell him anything - or perhaps he didn't want to. Adding the Thalmor's aggressive interest in the mix only made it more ominous. I had to admit I was intrigued as well, and I offered to help him in his search once I got back on my feet.

Even though it's already been a week, I still had to lie in bed for most of the day. At least I was able to go to the bathroom on my own; the first two days Kaidan had to intervene a few times, which was nothing short of embarrassing - at least for me. The big warrior somehow managed to be expertly discrete and composed in such a tricky situation, and I admired that. Lilith and Danica weren't always able to put aside their obligations and assist, though Ysolda also joined the fray of my caretakers and helped. I would've been honestly appreciative of her assistance if I didn't know her so well; the main reason of her visits was, of course, Kaidan. Even though his response to her subtle advances was nothing more than polite, it was clear that she was attracted to him like moth to the flame. Since she wasn't able to keep her mouth shut anyway, I was informed firsthand how the entire town buzzed about my guest and all the possible implications. Having clarified that we have nothing intimate going on - save for the fact that he's seen me naked and held me a few times while I peed - I might've done him a disservice by being honest because nearly every woman in Whiterun had tried to approach him in some manner, both married and single. The only reason the men didn't rage and tried to confront him was because Kaidan showed supreme disinterest. Ysolda earnestly asked me if he's even able to smile. 

"Isn't it flattering, though?", I grinned at his discomfort when he finished explaining how he was held up on the market for nearly two hours by a crowd of women.

"The only thing I find remotely flattering is that Aela of the Companions had approached me with an offer to join them", he grumbled. "Apparently she had heard of my mercenary work and was impressed as a professional."

I frowned. "Are you considering it?" I had nothing against the Companions, but there was something strange about them that I could never put my finger on.

He shook off. "They are an honorable group, but I'm disinclined to join _any_ group...ever again. Besides, my loyalty lies with you now."

I sighed. "I'm not holding you to it. After everything you've done for me, I definitely consider you've repaid me."

He looked stricken for a moment, leaning back in the chair. "You want me to leave?"

For some dubious reason, my chest clenched. I lowered the nodachi carefully in my lap and took his hand. "No. However, I'd like to have a friend instead of an indebted follower."

He was silent for a while, searching my face. Then he slipped his hand from mine. "I've...done some things I'm not proud of. I doubt you'd want to call such a person a friend."

He avoided my eyes while speaking, looking dejected as I've never seen him before. I didn't have to think too deep about this one.

"We've all done bad things at some point", I swallowed a hard knot. "I stole. Cheated. Killed, and enjoyed it. I had a rough patch in my life when I felt lost and alone, with no one to call family, angry at the whole world." I sighed and closed my eyes at the ghastly remembrance. "I was horrible. But I believe that anyone who is capable of recognizing the evil they're doing at some point can also strive to be better from there. And I see you're such a person. I have no idea what you've done and whether you're willing to speak of it at all, just as _I'm_ not willing to speak of my misdeeds, but I know this: if you sincerely regret your mistakes, you deserve a chance at redemption." I shrugged. "At least that's what I kept telling myself until I managed to straighten my life."

Kaidan stared at me in disbelief. "I...can't imagine you..."

"...Being an evil bitch?", I smirked. "Well, I can't imagine you being an evil bastard either."

He chuckled at that, his expression lightening.


End file.
